goodbye, my love

yesterday my best friend for the past 19-20 years left me.  i am beyond devastated.  i realized that she had been with me longer than the time i had with my mom.  i remember the day i got her - it was the first time i had ever purchased a pet from a pet store (and by accident).  i went with a friend to pick up his dogs from the groomer & there she was. this skinny, freaky thing in the middle of two beautiful, fat fluffy kittens.  since the two beauties were already sold, i was assured that a new litter was coming in.  'just feel her fur' the man said, 'she's so soft'.  by then, a small group of people had gathered & as he opened the cage she burst out & jumped into my arms & started purring madly.  when someone tried to pet her & i turned away i knew i was in trouble.  i had to borrow money & put some on a check, some on a credit card - it was ridiculous - but i truly got the deal of a lifetime.

i had two dachshunds & a huge rescued tom cat at the time & that little runt came in & just took over.  it was hysterical to see her straddling this 20 pound tom cat - she was maybe 4 pounds at the time. soon after bringing her home i had a huge crisis & ended up in a hospital - i stopped breathing twice.  when i came home i had lost everything - my business, my friends - it was a super stressful & chaotic time.  my family (t&j) who had been with me since i came to california & had been there when my mom died were suddenly leaving for japan.  it was all happening so fast.  a day before they were to leave t asked me if i wanted him to take misha & sasha with him.  although i loved them immensely, i knew that he was always the better caretaker & in my current situation wasn't sure if they would be safe with me.  it was one of the hardest decisions i ever had to make.  & suddenly i found myself completely alone, family & noise & life gone - just me and kimba. and we settled in.

she moved cross country with me & back. i put her in a little soft case & carried her on the plane with me to new york. upon landing, i unzipped the case maybe a 1/2 inch & boom - she was gone.  i think i literally climbed on top of people, my heart beating at the thought of her getting off the plane, when a man held her up by the scruff asking "looking for this?" of course, she was the star of the plane after that.

we had a health scare a few years back that cost me $6,000.  i had to lie to the vet & say she was younger so they would do the surgery & even though they were reluctant they operated & she was great again.  we moved into a house with a yard so i trained her to walk on a leash & we sat outside quite often watching the butterflies & sunning.  when she was younger we played hide & seek - a holdover from my dogs.  i would hide in the shower & call out & she would run to all the spots she knew i would be - crying out - until i would jump out & yell boo & she would run away.

no matter what i looked like, what i felt like, how happy or sad i was, she was there.  i'm not sure how to go on without her.  i used to joke that if she died, i'd kill her. but, now that it's happened, i'm utterly lost. goodbye my love.

possessed 1

a friend of mine suggested that i start posting things i own & collect - and believe me, i have quite a bit! i thought i'd start with my most prized possession, although she's more my family rather than a possession. i'm sure she believes she owns me and in many ways she does.  this is my cat kimba, she's a cornish rex, she's the runt of the litter and she's the love of my life. there is nothing more beautiful than her little face. 

she is the first pet i actually purchased and she was expensive.  i had always wanted a sphinx and a friend told me about these kittens at the pet store his dogs were groomed at.  "i know exactly what they are" i said to him "i don't want to see them." i had at the time 2 dachshunds, a huge male stray cat we had taken in and about 15 strays that i fed on and off. "just come see them" he said. of course, all the "cute" cornish kittens were sold except for kimba - she was the last and she was the runt. "extreme" for the breed the guy said, "if you come back next week we'll have another litter". "just feel her" he said, "like a shaved rabbit." "no, no need, i know what they feel like", i said. i suddenly realized that several people were standing around and as he opened the cage she leapt into my arms and started purring furiously.  as a strangers hand crept over to pet her i instinctively turned away to shield her and it was in that moment i knew. she belonged to me. 

little joys

it's always the little things that bring the most joy.....the back of my cat kimba's little walnut skull and wrinkled ears always makes me smile.