Friday, October 18, 2013

goodbye, my love

yesterday my best friend for the past 19-20 years left me.  i am beyond devastated.  i realized that she had been with me longer than the time i had with my mom.  i remember the day i got her - it was the first time i had ever purchased a pet from a pet store (and by accident).  i went with a friend to pick up his dogs from the groomer & there she was. this skinny, freaky thing in the middle of two beautiful, fat fluffy kittens.  since the two beauties were already sold, i was assured that a new litter was coming in.  'just feel her fur' the man said, 'she's so soft'.  by then, a small group of people had gathered & as he opened the cage she burst out & jumped into my arms & started purring madly.  when someone tried to pet her & i turned away i knew i was in trouble.  i had to borrow money & put some on a check, some on a credit card - it was ridiculous - but i truly got the deal of a lifetime.

i had two dachshunds & a huge rescued tom cat at the time & that little runt came in & just took over.  it was hysterical to see her straddling this 20 pound tom cat - she was maybe 4 pounds at the time. soon after bringing her home i had a huge crisis & ended up in a hospital - i stopped breathing twice.  when i came home i had lost everything - my business, my friends - it was a super stressful & chaotic time.  my family (t&j) who had been with me since i came to california & had been there when my mom died were suddenly leaving for japan.  it was all happening so fast.  a day before they were to leave t asked me if i wanted him to take misha & sasha with him.  although i loved them immensely, i knew that he was always the better caretaker & in my current situation wasn't sure if they would be safe with me.  it was one of the hardest decisions i ever had to make.  & suddenly i found myself completely alone, family & noise & life gone - just me and kimba. and we settled in.

she moved cross country with me & back. i put her in a little soft case & carried her on the plane with me to new york. upon landing, i unzipped the case maybe a 1/2 inch & boom - she was gone.  i think i literally climbed on top of people, my heart beating at the thought of her getting off the plane, when a man held her up by the scruff asking "looking for this?" of course, she was the star of the plane after that.

we had a health scare a few years back that cost me $6,000.  i had to lie to the vet & say she was younger so they would do the surgery & even though they were reluctant they operated & she was great again.  we moved into a house with a yard so i trained her to walk on a leash & we sat outside quite often watching the butterflies & sunning.  when she was younger we played hide & seek - a holdover from my dogs.  i would hide in the shower & call out & she would run to all the spots she knew i would be - crying out - until i would jump out & yell boo & she would run away.

no matter what i looked like, what i felt like, how happy or sad i was, she was there.  i'm not sure how to go on without her.  i used to joke that if she died, i'd kill her. but, now that it's happened, i'm utterly lost. goodbye my love.


  1. oh dear.... so sorry, but keep goin for whatever sake!
    huge xoxo

  2. I feel so sad for you. I remember when I got my cats 3 years ago you told me they would bring me al lot of happiness. Keep going.

  3. Beautiful, this really moved me, animals really are friends & part of the family.

  4. I'm so sorry for your loss. My cat has helped me a great deal through my depression and i can't even begin to process what my life would be without him anymore so i really can't imagine how hard it must be for you right now.
    She was a gorgeous cat, RIP <3

  5. :(((((((((((((((((((((((( <3

  6. "i had to borrow money & put some on a check, some on a credit card - it was ridiculous - but i truly got the deal of a lifetime."

    Why not use outright cash? Not allowed to do so in the US in order to purchase a pet? Just curious....